


The Reason

by spookalicious



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, tw self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3636330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookalicious/pseuds/spookalicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard is depressed and suicidal. Songfic, The Reason by Hoobastank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knourish (OceanicWaters)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanicWaters/gifts).



_I'm not a perfect person_

Gerard sighed as he slumped down on the floor, leaning against the bathroom counter. He held a damp cloth to his wrist, freshly bloodied. He glanced at it, but quickly looked away. 

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

He hated that he did this. Sometimes, though, he felt it was necessary. He sighed again, rolling his eyes behind his lids. He looked up at the ceiling, and groaned when he heard his cell phone ringing in the other room. Damn, that was loud. 

_But I continue learning_

He stood, keeping the cloth to his wrist. He winced as his wrist popped, but tried to push through it. He opened the bathroom door and headed into his bedroom. The brunette picked up his phone and glanced at the caller ID. Frank. 

_I never meant to do those things to you_

“Goddammit, Frank. Worst timing…” he trailed off before answering the call. “Hey, Frankie,” he said, almost weakly. He’s sure to Frank, it sounded more like he was asleep rather than hurt. 

_And so I have to say before I go_

Frank talked animatedly on the phone, and before Gerard knew it, he was off the phone and Frank was on his way over. “Goddammit,” Gerard muttered to himself again. He quickly went to the bathroom, cleaning up the mess he had made. He threw the bloodstained towels into the cabinet under the sink and went back to his room to clean up his wrists. 

_That I just want you to know_

Before he knew it, Frank was knocking on the door and Donna, Gerard’s mom, was letting him in, gushing about his new haircut. Gerard heard the commotion and threw some gauze on his wrists, and he pulled on an oversized sweatshirt. He knew it was dirty, but it was better than letting Frank know exactly what he had been doing before he called. 

_I've found a reason for me_

“Hey, Gee!” Frank exclaimed, entering Gerard’s dark room. Gerard smiled nervously at Frank, rubbing the back of his head. “Hey, Frankie…” /

Frank glanced around the room, eyebrows furrowed. “You haven’t cleaned. You said you would.” He held the bridge of his nose almost disgustedly, but Gerard knew he was just joking around. 

_To change who I used to be_

“I don’t see a reason to, Frank…” Gerard thought, thinking about his future plans. All he knew was that he was going to do it. He wasn’t sure how, yet. 

_A reason to start over new_

Frank chuckled and went to Gerard’s side, pushing him on the bed playfully. He crawled up next to him and smiled. “Wanna see my new tattoo?” This gained a small smile, a real one, from Gerard, and he nodded a bit. “Yeah, sure.” 

_And the reason is you_

The smaller boy grinned and sat up, lifting his shirt as he turned around, showing off a large jack-o-latern on his upper back. He grinned wide when he turned back around, happy as a lark. “D’you like it?” 

Gerard nodded again. “Yeah, s’cool.” 

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

Frank watched Gerard carefully, before setting a hand softly on his cheek. “Gee, somethin’s wrong.” 

_It's something I must live with every day_

Gerard shook his head and smiled, though it was fake. He tried to make it less obvious throughout Frank’s visit that he was in pain. 

By the time Frank left, Gerard had to change the gauze on his wrists. 

_And all the pain I put you through_

Frank came back again the next day, and he brought a vase of flowers for Donna. “These are good luck flowers. When I was little and I was worried about something, my mom would get these for me from her garden…” He smiled at the mother, and set the vase on a table close to the kitchen. It should have been a dining table, but no one ever sat and ate there. 

_I wish that I could take it all away_

Gerard was in his room, sketching pictures of him dead. It was morbid, he knew that, but it helped him decide how he wanted to go. Each sketch was a picture of his death from a different scenario. He had just decided his favorite when Frank walked in, and he quickly shoved them under his bed, hoping Frank hadn’t seen the mess of papers. “Frank!” he exclaimed. 

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

Of course, Frank had seen. He hadn’t seen exactly what the sketches were, but he was a little upset Gerard had to hide something from him. He went and sat next to the other, and when he saw the tears on Gerard’s cheeks, he knew. 

_That’s why I need you to hear_

“I can’t do this anymore, Frankie, I just can’t…” the older boy sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. 

_I've found a reason for me_

A couple of days had passed, and Frank had spent each of them at Gerard’s house. He stayed with him in his room the whole time, holding him when he needed to cry, and listening when he needed to yell or just talk. 

_To change who I used to be_

Gerard always curled up with Frank. He had started to open up to the other, explaining his troubles and why he felt the way he felt. He appreciated that Frank listened instead of trying to talk him out of it, but Gerard knew that was Frank’s ploy. He would listen until the last minute, and then he would explode. Gerard was just waiting for that moment. 

_A reason to start over new_

And of course, one day, Frank did explode. It just wasn’t with anger, as Gerard had thought. Frank came to visit Frank, and instead of holding Gerard as they talked, he began crying himself. 

_And the reason is you_

“Don’t leave me, Gee…” he sobbed. “Please, Gerard, I… I love you, okay? I can’t lose you…”

Gerard’s eyes grew wide. “You… You what?” 

_And the reason is you_

Frank rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe his tears away. “Gee, I love you. And fuck it, you’re depressed, and lonely, and upset at the world, but goddammit, how do you think I’m gonna feel when you’re fuckin’ _gone_?”

_And the reason is you_

Gerard’s eyes stayed wide, and he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, much like a fish out of water, trying to find words to respond. Frank seemed pretty serious. 

Eventually, the words came. 

_And the reason is you_

“I love you too, Frankie…”

_I'm not a perfect person_

The following days, Frank continued to visit. He didn’t cry, and he didn’t mention the past conversation. Gerard assumed it was because he didn’t mean what he said and he wanted to take it back. 

_I never meant to do those things to you_

And, of course, Frank had to prove him wrong. 

_And so I have to say before I go_

On one of the consecutive Frank visits, the two were sitting on Gerard’s bed, leaned against the wall. They were silent, and neither were moving a muscle. That is, until Frank leaned over and kissed Gerard’s lips, very softly. He didn’t move, not knowing if Gerard would push him away or not. 

_That I just want you to know_

And Gerard didn’t. 

_I've found a reason for me_

“Gee, come on, we gotta go or we’ll be late!” Frank called. 

_To change who I used to be_

The older brunette shuffled into his shoes and exited his room, looking towards Frank. “I’m coming, I’m coming.” 

_A reason to start over new_

Frank smiled as he saw Gerard coming down the hall. “You look great.” 

_And the reason is you_

“So do you, Frankie,” Gerard responded, pecking Frank’s cheek lightly. 

_I've found a reason to show_

The two brunettes headed out the front door, smiling at Donna as they left, saying goodbye, but that they’d see her in a few hours. Gerard went ahead of Frank and opened the car door for him, chuckling a bit to himself. 

_A side of me you didn't know_

Frank furrowed his brow, wondering why the other was chuckling. “What’s so funny?” 

_A reason for all that I do_

Gerard just smiled, and kissed Frank softly before answering, “You’re a beautiful bride.” 

_And the reason is you_

The smaller man groaned and got in the car. “We’re _grooms_ , Gee. Both of us.” 


End file.
